"And these mistakes you've made you'll just make them again if you only try turning around."
Sometimes it felt like a wall. Like there was an actual structure of bricks stopping her. She wasn't sure if she should call that wall luck, or conscience, or God. (It crossed her mind that maybe all three were really the same thing with different names.) So sometimes she stopped, more accurately prevented, from repeating history.
But most times that was not the case. Most times she would flee openly to the past. A more predictable place, and in that sense, a safer one. Yet she always seemed amazed at the rut she was stuck in. The unsuccessful relationships. The stagnant career. Nothing ever really seemed to change, to get better. She never seemed to get better.
And somewhere deep inside she knew there was a step that needed to be taken. A step forward. That she should close her eyes, take a deep breath, and step out. But she wouldn't. She thought about it for hours, and the dread of such unknown often was the tipping point that sent her fleeing for the known. There seemed to be no way for her to be unafraid of the unknown.
And that is the fault in her thinking. She would never get over the fear until she stepped out. That fear, that dread of making a bad choice, of taking a chance, means that your on the right path.
No comments:
Post a Comment