motherless child

"I try to run away but I've been running too long."

Daphne looked eagerly around the empty apartment. It was perfect. Loft ceilings. Walk in closets. Stainless steel appliances. It really was a great space. The rent was a little higher than she had planned but Daphne could manage. She eagerly signed the lease the rental agent had prepared for her and set her move in date.

Now came the hard part, telling her friends she was moving. Daphne could imagine the irritation and exasperation already. She knew she would get very little credit for managing to stay in one apartment for two years. And she knew that they would be reluctant to help her. But two years had seemed like a reasonable amount of time to Daphne and she was ready to try something new.

Daphne couldn't understand their stagnancy. Staying in one place too long just seemed like settling down and she was not prepared to do that. After all, life was supposed to be all about change. So she liked to change things. New apartments, new cell phone numbers, new cars.
In fact, Daphne was beginning to think about moving to a new city altogether. She had been in Boston for seven years. Her life had gotten so comfortable and routine that she found it unsettling in some ways. But she adored her friends and found the thought of leaving them even more unsettling.

This new apartment would appease her. It would satisfy her constant urge to change, at least for the moment. Staying in her old apartment just couldn't work. The people there knew her too well, greeting her in the hallways and checking on her well-being. The kids in the neighborhood could recognize her car. The people in the management office knew her by name.

Daphne felt smothered. She knew this feeling. It was how she felt at family holidays, reunions, graduations, and any other event where her family gathered en masse. The expectation was overwhelming. The questions were invasive, her answers short and awkward. And Daphne always left frustrated and feeling more isolated than before. It was the feeling she ran from desperately and would continue to run from no matter where it took her.