hometown glory

"I ain't lost, just wondering."

I guess from the outside it would look like the typical quarter-life crisis. The unanswerable questions. Who am I? What is my place in this world? What is my life's purpose? Will I ever find love? But I was no fool, I knew these questions were rhetorical at best. I knew that only God could answer these questions and I was pretty sure the clouds wouldn't be parting anytime soon to deliver his answer. So I didn't ask these questions. In fact, I didn't ask any. I knew that life was ever-changing and even if I could come up with an answer, the smallest thing could change everything. One flap of a little butterfly's wings halfway across the world....

But that didn't mean there wasn't a lot on my mind. That didn't mean I still wasn't looking to come upon some divine inspiration to steer my life in some direction. And patience was never my strongest virtue. Truth be told, I didn't really expect something to just flop into my lap anyway. Few things had ever come that easy before, and the ones that did were usually no good.

My mother called it my quest. My father seemed to understand better and just kept quiet, although I could feel him shaking his head behind my back. There were unfinished lessons in archery, piano, ballet, karate, tennis, and gymnastics. There were random courses in pottery making, computer programming, and auto mechanics. There were half-fulfilled memberships in a book club and croquet club. There was the volunteer trip to South America.

The list went on and on. So like I said, I guess from the outside it just looked like I was trying to find myself. But I think I had somewhere along the way. No, I hadn't discovered my life's purpose or something, but I had something. I had found that my curiosity was an asset that would keep my life interesting. I had found that I was fearless in the face of new experiences. And I had found an unexpected level of comfort with striking out on my own undefined path. No, I hadn't discovered my life's purpose but I had realized all the things I could bring to this life and somehow that seemed like enough for now.