have yourself a merry little christmas

"Through the years we all will be together, if the fates allow. But 'til then we'll have to muddle through somehow."

Rose wasn't sure how long she had been sitting in the car. It had probably been a while, judging the amount of snow that had accumulated on the windshield. It was that obstruction to her view that finally drew her out of her daze. Here she was. Home for Christmas for the first time in four years.

And amazingly the house looked the same. Too many lights outside. The same single reindeer lit up in the front yard. A tall tree showcased through the front windows. A big wreath with a bright red bow on the front door. The same as the last time she was here. The same as every Christmas she could remember. The sight of it had been so overwhelming that she had paused after parking her car to take it all in.

Rose could imagine her mother and big sisters in the kitchen cooking up a storm. Her brothers watching football. Her dad pretending to help out by cleaning up, but really just watching football. But she knew it wouldn't really be the same. Her eldest sister Lily was married now, and had a two-year old son. Her other sister Violet had just been laid off. Her big brother Jeremy was engaged and her little brother James was a junior in college. She had missed their lives, and they wouldn't be the same as this house. There were new faces in there, new dynamics she wasn't a part of.

Rose stared in disbelief. How could she have been so stupid, so wrong for four years. All those times that she had volunteered to work Christmas at the hospital so that the people with families could go home. She had sacrificed for colleagues' families but never for her own. Rose became even more ashamed thinking of how her attendee had practically forced her to go home.

Here she was. Home for Christmas for the first time in four years. She was joyful. She was in need of the break. She longed to reconnect with her family. And she was afraid of the unknowns that waited inside. But mostly she was tired of being lonely and was ready to get out of that car.

pretty brown eyes

"You keep telling me that your time is always taken. But I keep seeing you out alone."

Jordan always saw Daniella when she walked by. He saw what everyone saw. The long legs. The toned body. The dark hair. The brown eyes. The radiant smile. Her clothes, car, and accessories were all just as seemingly perfect as she was. Everything about her compelled you to look at her.

Jordan often looked at her and wondered. Wondered if women were jealous of her. Wanting her confidence or her boobs or her job. Wondered if men... No, he knew what men were thinking when they looked at her. After all, he often caught himself thinking the same thing.

But Jordan had worked side by side with Daniella for nearly two years. He knew that all was not perfect there. They work at a nonprofit that provides resources to terminally ill people. Jordan had often seen Daniella's strong facade splinter, even if only for a second. He had never seen her go on a date. And never heard her talk about any member of her family except a younger sister in college.

Yes, Jordan looked at Daniella and thought about all the things people saw. All the ways that made her perfect. He thought about all the things he saw. Her sacrifice, dedication, hope. All the things that made her beautiful.

But mostly he wondered what did she see when she looked in the mirror. And when would she stop for just a moment, just long enough to really look at herself and her life. Look to see how lonely she truly is.