harlem blues

There are beautiful days
The sun is shining, the sky is a gentle blue
A quick breeze can pick up the sound of children's laughter and the smell of flowers blooming
And every moment feels tailor made
Like the sun is shining directly to you
Every breath gets better

But storm clouds gather so fast with a slip of the tongue
The sky darkens with every crease in his furrowed brow
And his words are raindrops, each one coming harsher and faster than the last
Lightning strikes angrily the sweet brown eyes of heaven
And you're not sure if you hear thunder or simply the sound of your heart breaking and falling in pieces to the ground
You move with the wind, he takes one step forward so you take one back

The search for a haven is in vain, so you gather your strength to quietly wait out the storm
You know its almost over when the rain changes to a soft, salty ocean streaming down your face
And it hurts to know that even through this storm you can his sun shine

"Like much weather, when he'll change nobobdy knows."

i wanna know

“I wish that I could take a journey through your mind and find emotions that you always try to hide.”

Archer saw her hiding before she even knew she was. They had been fighting. A vehement argument. The kind that, upon climax, ends in either passionate intimacy or days of silence. As the fight had escalated, Archer was sure this was one that would end passionately. Although he hid it from Lana, his anger had already subsided and he was more than ready to move on to the make-up part of the game.

Then he saw her hide. He was so caught up in the motions of the fight that he truly wasn’t even sure what he had said. Archer thought but he couldn’t find his words, whatever painful chord of truth he had struck in Lana. But he saw her face. The brief moment where the surprise and pain and shame and disappointment shook her, the moment her façade immediately faltered and she was more vulnerable than he had ever seen.

Archer stepped towards her. He wanted nothing more to comfort her, fight or sex be damned. But the moment had passed and now she was hiding. Her face was no longer angry from the fight. And what was most carefully hidden was that flash of vulnerability. It had vanished, and had taken Lana with it. True, she was standing there in front of him. Her face was poised, her stance confident, her voice steady. Too poised, too confident, too steady. She wasn’t fighting anymore. She had retreated to some safe, inner place. A place Archer desperately wanted to touch, to see, to hold and comfort, but a place which he was strictly forbade.

So this fight ended in silence. A silence that Archer knew would end in a few days. But this silence would be different than the ones before. This one came with the unsettling realization for Archer that there was a broken part of Lana. A part that she wasn’t ready to fix, or to even take the first step towards fixing by sharing. A broken part that planted a seed of doubt in Archer about he and Lana’s relationship. And Archer wasn’t sure if he could or should ignore it.

shattered (turn the car around)

"How many times can I break 'til I shatter?"

There is a truth couched quietly in the eyes of Miranda James: She's dying inside. She's not sick. She's not old. She is simply giving up, day by day and hour by hour.

Miranda has survived a lot. She was orphaned when she was thirteen. She was in a near-fatal car accident when she was nineteen. She worked two jobs all four years of college to pay tuition and costs. She is a chemical engineer and only the fourth woman ever to work at her company.

Miranda's friends, family, and colleagues know she is strong. They think of her as a survivor. They reason that she has overcome so much and has handled so much in her life, that she is strong enough to handle anything that comes her way. That appears logical reasoning, but the human soul is not always logical.

In reality, Miranda is falling apart. Every obstacle has crushed her, but she has always rebuilt. She knows that she is not as strong now. She can feel the fight slowly slipping away. And it scares her and brings her even that closer to crashing.

If Miranda finds out today that she's been laid off, or that her sister has cancer, or that her house has caught on fire, or any other unforeseen disaster has occurred... Will this be the day she shatters? And if so, who will come to rebuild her?

bust your windows

"You broke my heart so I broke your car. You caused me pain so I did the same."

Its not about destruction. Its not about jealousy or rage. Its pain. The girls (and yes, sometimes guys) feel pain and react. Often irrationally. Its not always the car. It can be golf clubs, sneakers, music collections, whatever is cherished most.

Its pain. How dare you walk around when I can barely get out of bed? How can you date while I cry into my pillow at night? How do you walk away when I'm begging you to stay? Its unfair for one person to suffer alone. So they cause pain. It may not be the pain they feel but its pain they caused, even if fleeting. And at the breaking point any pain caused is a victory.