have yourself a merry little christmas

"Through the years we all will be together, if the fates allow. But 'til then we'll have to muddle through somehow."

Rose wasn't sure how long she had been sitting in the car. It had probably been a while, judging the amount of snow that had accumulated on the windshield. It was that obstruction to her view that finally drew her out of her daze. Here she was. Home for Christmas for the first time in four years.

And amazingly the house looked the same. Too many lights outside. The same single reindeer lit up in the front yard. A tall tree showcased through the front windows. A big wreath with a bright red bow on the front door. The same as the last time she was here. The same as every Christmas she could remember. The sight of it had been so overwhelming that she had paused after parking her car to take it all in.

Rose could imagine her mother and big sisters in the kitchen cooking up a storm. Her brothers watching football. Her dad pretending to help out by cleaning up, but really just watching football. But she knew it wouldn't really be the same. Her eldest sister Lily was married now, and had a two-year old son. Her other sister Violet had just been laid off. Her big brother Jeremy was engaged and her little brother James was a junior in college. She had missed their lives, and they wouldn't be the same as this house. There were new faces in there, new dynamics she wasn't a part of.

Rose stared in disbelief. How could she have been so stupid, so wrong for four years. All those times that she had volunteered to work Christmas at the hospital so that the people with families could go home. She had sacrificed for colleagues' families but never for her own. Rose became even more ashamed thinking of how her attendee had practically forced her to go home.

Here she was. Home for Christmas for the first time in four years. She was joyful. She was in need of the break. She longed to reconnect with her family. And she was afraid of the unknowns that waited inside. But mostly she was tired of being lonely and was ready to get out of that car.