"I will learn what you teach and do the best that I can."
So Raven has a boyfriend. It seems like a regular, everyday thing but its not. Not for Raven. The last boyfriend she had was from college, more than six years ago. She was a different person then in a completely different mindset. Now here she was at 28 years old with no idea of how to carry herself in this relationship. Of course her friends were filled with dos and don'ts, but she had listened to their bitterness and complaints for years and was more than weary of any advice they had to give.
Malcolm was a good guy. A strong, silent type with this amazing smile. And Raven adored him. They had known each other for a while, then one night their was a spark and everything changed between them. The beginning had been so intense that Raven hadn't had time to think and panic about the prospect of being in a relationship.
It wasn't even really that she was afraid of the commitment. Raven was into Malcolm, she wanted them to get closer, and could easily see herself falling in love with him. But Raven was afraid that she didn't know how to be a girlfriend. The dates, the hand holding, the invasion of private space, the openness, the trust, the sacrifice. The meeting of the parents. All of these things scared her.
But whenever she was with Malcolm, Raven knew she had to try. She knew he was worth it. And she knew that these were issues and fears she would have to get over in order to live her life.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
goodbye to you
"I want you but I'm not giving in this time."
It was odd because Lacey didn't really believe in trial and error. She never accepted that adage that one has to learn the hard way. She had never been a gambler, especially when it came to her personal life. Yet the past two years had been little more than a roll of the dice. And while she knew that some of the blame should be on her shoulders, she had no qualms about placing all of it with him. Devin.
Lacey met Devin in the most innocent of ways, even though know she found herself doubting that that meeting was as random as it seemed. But hopefully it was. Two people meet in a grocery store Raisin Bran versus Raisin Bran Crunch in the cereal aisle. He was charming, kind, and cute. He asked for her number and Lacey gave it to him. By their third date, they were practically inseparable. Maybe that was part of the problem, that things had happened too fast for either one of them to really be objective.
Their relationship was intense. The arguments were big, and always contained insulting words and harsh accusations that shook Lacey to the core. But Devin always seemed so sincere, so apologetic and willing to compromise after the fight was over. He always admitted defeat, which Lacey enjoyed at the time, but now realized was his strategic way of being in control of the relationship. But the good days were so good that it helped her forget the bad. Peaceful walks along the water's edge, strolling hand in hand. Late night philosophical conversations. A shared love of classic movies and bourbon.
But the bad days were so bad. And they had become far too frequent by the end. Lacey thought maybe they had always been unraveling, that they had never really been united in the first place. That somehow she had fallen into the spider's web that was Devin's love and by some stroke of grace she had survived without getting her head bitten off.
But her heart was breaking as she walked out the door of his apartment. They both knew it would be the last time without it being said. Devin didn't fight it, as if his conscience took over for a moment and demanded he let her go. She made it out the door, down the hallway, and into the elevator before she looked back. Even then she was mad at herself for the tiny speck of hope that existed inside her. Hope that Devin would be standing in that door, with tears in his eyes and a small speck of his own hope that she would come back to him. But Devin wasn't there and Lacey shakily pushed the button for the lobby.
It was odd because Lacey didn't really believe in trial and error. She never accepted that adage that one has to learn the hard way. She had never been a gambler, especially when it came to her personal life. Yet the past two years had been little more than a roll of the dice. And while she knew that some of the blame should be on her shoulders, she had no qualms about placing all of it with him. Devin.
Lacey met Devin in the most innocent of ways, even though know she found herself doubting that that meeting was as random as it seemed. But hopefully it was. Two people meet in a grocery store Raisin Bran versus Raisin Bran Crunch in the cereal aisle. He was charming, kind, and cute. He asked for her number and Lacey gave it to him. By their third date, they were practically inseparable. Maybe that was part of the problem, that things had happened too fast for either one of them to really be objective.
Their relationship was intense. The arguments were big, and always contained insulting words and harsh accusations that shook Lacey to the core. But Devin always seemed so sincere, so apologetic and willing to compromise after the fight was over. He always admitted defeat, which Lacey enjoyed at the time, but now realized was his strategic way of being in control of the relationship. But the good days were so good that it helped her forget the bad. Peaceful walks along the water's edge, strolling hand in hand. Late night philosophical conversations. A shared love of classic movies and bourbon.
But the bad days were so bad. And they had become far too frequent by the end. Lacey thought maybe they had always been unraveling, that they had never really been united in the first place. That somehow she had fallen into the spider's web that was Devin's love and by some stroke of grace she had survived without getting her head bitten off.
But her heart was breaking as she walked out the door of his apartment. They both knew it would be the last time without it being said. Devin didn't fight it, as if his conscience took over for a moment and demanded he let her go. She made it out the door, down the hallway, and into the elevator before she looked back. Even then she was mad at herself for the tiny speck of hope that existed inside her. Hope that Devin would be standing in that door, with tears in his eyes and a small speck of his own hope that she would come back to him. But Devin wasn't there and Lacey shakily pushed the button for the lobby.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
satellites
"How can we live if we don't change?"
Warren and Rebecca had three children. They had always wanted three, and ten years after getting married, here they were with three healthy and happy kids.
There was Danny. A rambunctious 9 year old, with a strong appetite and yellow belt in karate. Danny was also the listener. Sometimes it amazed his parents just how much he knew, even about them. It could be annoying, but it was beautiful to see how that quality emerged as such a caring part of him. He was so aware of what others were going through or needed help with.
There was Eliza. She was the intellectual, always sitting somewhere thinking. She had learned to read already and was devouring books they way her big brother devoured dinner. Eliza's main love had always been learning. And she held her knowledge. Already her understanding of things, her knowledge base was far beyond that of the average 6 year old.
And there was little Hope. They named her Hope because that pregnancy had been so difficult. She was the sensitive one, known to cry at the drop of a hat. But she was also the daring one, eager to brave one adventure after another. She was only 2 years old but she had been that way since birth. So open about her feelings. So ready to try out the whole world.
To Warren and Rebecca, it had seemed these amazing kids had just sprung from mid-air. That they were born with these amazing personalities and gifts. It was their natural state, nothing that instilled in them or taught to them. But just maybe, it was Danny seeing his father everyday at his karate practices that made him first begin to notice and care about the kids whose parents never showed up. Maybe it was the way Rebecca took the time to answer every one of Eliza's questions that let her know that learning was important. And maybe it was the way Warren and Rebecca poured affection on Hope that gave her the sense that crying was okay and that they would always be there when she fell.
There is a truth that may have escaped Warren and Rebecca. That loving makes them grow. Telling them that you love them reassures them, and that confidence gives them license to better. Showing them how much you love them encourages them, and that manifests in bigger dreams and goals.
So if you haven't already today, love someone.
Warren and Rebecca had three children. They had always wanted three, and ten years after getting married, here they were with three healthy and happy kids.
There was Danny. A rambunctious 9 year old, with a strong appetite and yellow belt in karate. Danny was also the listener. Sometimes it amazed his parents just how much he knew, even about them. It could be annoying, but it was beautiful to see how that quality emerged as such a caring part of him. He was so aware of what others were going through or needed help with.
There was Eliza. She was the intellectual, always sitting somewhere thinking. She had learned to read already and was devouring books they way her big brother devoured dinner. Eliza's main love had always been learning. And she held her knowledge. Already her understanding of things, her knowledge base was far beyond that of the average 6 year old.
And there was little Hope. They named her Hope because that pregnancy had been so difficult. She was the sensitive one, known to cry at the drop of a hat. But she was also the daring one, eager to brave one adventure after another. She was only 2 years old but she had been that way since birth. So open about her feelings. So ready to try out the whole world.
To Warren and Rebecca, it had seemed these amazing kids had just sprung from mid-air. That they were born with these amazing personalities and gifts. It was their natural state, nothing that instilled in them or taught to them. But just maybe, it was Danny seeing his father everyday at his karate practices that made him first begin to notice and care about the kids whose parents never showed up. Maybe it was the way Rebecca took the time to answer every one of Eliza's questions that let her know that learning was important. And maybe it was the way Warren and Rebecca poured affection on Hope that gave her the sense that crying was okay and that they would always be there when she fell.
There is a truth that may have escaped Warren and Rebecca. That loving makes them grow. Telling them that you love them reassures them, and that confidence gives them license to better. Showing them how much you love them encourages them, and that manifests in bigger dreams and goals.
So if you haven't already today, love someone.
Monday, August 2, 2010
harlem blues
There are beautiful days
The sun is shining, the sky is a gentle blue
A quick breeze can pick up the sound of children's laughter and the smell of flowers blooming
And every moment feels tailor made
Like the sun is shining directly to you
Every breath gets better
But storm clouds gather so fast with a slip of the tongue
The sky darkens with every crease in his furrowed brow
And his words are raindrops, each one coming harsher and faster than the last
Lightning strikes angrily the sweet brown eyes of heaven
And you're not sure if you hear thunder or simply the sound of your heart breaking and falling in pieces to the ground
You move with the wind, he takes one step forward so you take one back
The search for a haven is in vain, so you gather your strength to quietly wait out the storm
You know its almost over when the rain changes to a soft, salty ocean streaming down your face
And it hurts to know that even through this storm you can his sun shine
"Like much weather, when he'll change nobobdy knows."
The sun is shining, the sky is a gentle blue
A quick breeze can pick up the sound of children's laughter and the smell of flowers blooming
And every moment feels tailor made
Like the sun is shining directly to you
Every breath gets better
But storm clouds gather so fast with a slip of the tongue
The sky darkens with every crease in his furrowed brow
And his words are raindrops, each one coming harsher and faster than the last
Lightning strikes angrily the sweet brown eyes of heaven
And you're not sure if you hear thunder or simply the sound of your heart breaking and falling in pieces to the ground
You move with the wind, he takes one step forward so you take one back
The search for a haven is in vain, so you gather your strength to quietly wait out the storm
You know its almost over when the rain changes to a soft, salty ocean streaming down your face
And it hurts to know that even through this storm you can his sun shine
"Like much weather, when he'll change nobobdy knows."
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