ready for love

"I will learn what you teach and do the best that I can."

So Raven has a boyfriend. It seems like a regular, everyday thing but its not. Not for Raven. The last boyfriend she had was from college, more than six years ago. She was a different person then in a completely different mindset. Now here she was at 28 years old with no idea of how to carry herself in this relationship. Of course her friends were filled with dos and don'ts, but she had listened to their bitterness and complaints for years and was more than weary of any advice they had to give.

Malcolm was a good guy. A strong, silent type with this amazing smile. And Raven adored him. They had known each other for a while, then one night their was a spark and everything changed between them. The beginning had been so intense that Raven hadn't had time to think and panic about the prospect of being in a relationship.

It wasn't even really that she was afraid of the commitment. Raven was into Malcolm, she wanted them to get closer, and could easily see herself falling in love with him. But Raven was afraid that she didn't know how to be a girlfriend. The dates, the hand holding, the invasion of private space, the openness, the trust, the sacrifice. The meeting of the parents. All of these things scared her.

But whenever she was with Malcolm, Raven knew she had to try. She knew he was worth it. And she knew that these were issues and fears she would have to get over in order to live her life.

collide

"I'm worried I won't see your face light up again."

What if today was the last day I made you smile?

Things change so quickly. Today could b e the last day you loved me. We're so fickle these days, myself included. Tomorrow you could wake up to find my laughter annoying, my quirks less endearing, my thoughts no longer memorable.

We all like the new and shiny. The unknown becomes more exciting than terrifying. And as crazy as it sounds, it becomes safer.

There is a constant fear of exposure. Of putting yourself out there with all your beauty and ugly. Leaving your soul open to rejection. Putting everything you have into one person.

Sometimes fear of commitment is really more about the fear that one day the person laying beside you will wake up, look at you, and no longer see your shine.

my time has come

"Its okay. Be afraid. Its alright."

They could hear the guns coming. In fact they had heard them from at least two miles away. And they had almost gotten used to the sound, had let it slip into their subconcious so that it seemed as natural as hearing crickets chirp or rain fall. Then another sound came which stirred them all. The screams. The sound of men screaming in terror,in pain, in defeat. The enemy was close, with Death riding their coattails. They began to cower in the trench. Their hands trembled, their hearts raced. The fatigue of their five day journey, building the trench, and laying in it awake for fifteen hours suddenly settled in. They were terrified of what was approaching.

"You just take that fear, turn into your strength."

Then one man looked at his comrade and saw the fear in his eyes. He reached out and grabbed his arm. And that man did the same for the next. The chain continued until they were all connected, anchored by one man whose fear was overcome by his sense of duty to his fellow man. They knew then that this was why they came. To serve, protect, and, if need be, sacrifice. They turned towards the sound of the gunfire. They steadied their rifles. They lay quiet and still, until the enemy was nearly standing atop them. And they fought because they wanted to live but were prepared to die.