tell him the truth

"Look I know it's no excuse but I'm only human, and young at that. So I'm gonna make mistakes, then hope you understand."

It had all gone so terribly wrong. Mainly, the relationship and that phone call.

Royce had never felt anything like what he felt with Caroline. The very first time he saw her, he loved her. He tried to play it cool, but he had been so obvious in that first moment. Just awe at this beautiful creature before him. He couldn’t fake it. And time would teach that lesson to him over and over again. He adored her and he was foolish enough to think that was enough. That their relationship would be a carefree journey. Something straight out of the movies.

Instead things fell apart. Which in hindsight wasn’t actually surprising. They went to romantic comedies together, had drinks in the evening on the couch, met each other’s parents. But they kept each other at a distance. They didn’t talk about their dreams or fears. They didn’t talk about how they loved each other. They acted like a couple. And were stupid enough to be surprised that acting wasn’t enough.

It was no one’s fault. It certainly wasn’t hers. Royce was the one that had become unsettled first. That even before he could really recognize it, knew that something wasn’t quite right. And then one night he went out with the guys and he met a girl. A random girl at a random bar. She was cute enough, but so were a million other girls. But she sat and she talked to him. They left together and went back to her place. And they sat and talked more. They talked about everything, and it was suddenly so clear everything that was wrong with his relationship with Caroline.

And he was but a man, so he did what men sometimes do. He let the moment carry him and he slept with that girl. He couldn’t even look at her as he left the next morning. He couldn’t look at himself. Caroline was out of town but the phone was sitting right by him in the car. So he called her and he told her what happened. She cried. He pretended not to. She told him so much in that thirty minute conversation. So much about the dreams she had for their life together, the things he did that made her love him, the hope that she found in him. It was everything he had ever needed to hear. Just a day too late. And then she was gone. She was done with him and she was gone.

Royce sat there. By that stupid phone. And he felt physically ill. Shortness of breath, dizziness, nausea, a numbingly sharp pain throughout his body. Maybe this was shock. Or maybe this was what it felt like when your heart actually broke.

lift me up

"So the pain begins as the music fades. I'm left here with more than I can take."

Molly swayed rhythmically to the sound of silence. The power of the song that had just ended simply blocked out the thunderous applause surrounding her. Her eyes were barely closed and moist from a river of tears. She may have stood there forever in that trance if her partner hadn't jarred her back to reality. He grabbed her hand and pulled her to the front of the stage.

Molly opened her eyes reluctantly, and all her senses returned. People were clapping, many were standing, some even crying. So she tried desperately to hold herself together and curtsied towards each side of the auditorium before walking briskly off stage. At the safety of her semi-private vanity, Molly finally felt safe enough to think about what had just happened.

She had done that dance a million times during rehearsals. The lead in a ballet, something she never expected to get at 17 years old. Molly fought hard for that piece and even harder to keep it. The choreographer told her repeatedly throughout rehearsal that something wasn't quite there.

But something happened that night. Molly wasn't sure what it was exactly, but suddenly it all clicked. This ballet was a tragedy, about the rise and then fall of love. So there she was, in the final act, when the music hit her like a whirlwind. So sad and so desperate, absent of hope. The movements were like second nature to her now so she never flubbed as images of her own life began to fill her head.

Hers was a life without love as well. It seemed as if her life story picked up right where this ballet ended. She was the lonely girl, absent of feeling, going through the motions of life. Or she was before this night. Molly opened her eyes to look in the vanity and felt that she could see the visible change in her. A sadness where there once was just a void.