journey to the past

"People always say life is full of choices. No one ever mentions fear."

It was too hot outside for Jasmine's emotions to be in turmoil. Seriously, it had to be like 100 degrees out there. Jasmine had the air conditioning blasting inside the car. Every single person outside looked hot. In a way it was comforting. That this wasn't the idyllic scene she thought it would be. That some people were miserable trying to move the belongings from the childhood, lifelong bedrooms to a tiny dorm room to share with a stranger. Jasmine was even pretty sure she caught a couple of faces of misery that had nothing to do with the heat.

So maybe she wasn't in this completely alone. It was the only time in Jasmine's life that she remembered being grateful for another person's suffering. She should have felt guilty, should have been ashamed. But Jasmine didn't. She felt relieved and for the first time in this long drive upstate, she felt the sense of dread that had parked in her stomach begin to alleviate. Jasmine slowly turned the ignition on the car and climbed out. She grabbed a small box and her backpack with all the dorm materials, and headed into the building.

It did not escape Jasmine's eye that her dorm was right beside an all boys' dorm. Good to know. Jasmine shuffled pass the other students and their parents. For a moment she felt a childish tinge to have her mother here with her for this fiasco. But she'd never really had the moving on campus type of parents and at this point it would have been awkward for them start being those people. She loved her parents dearly and were absolutely sure they loved her as best they could. But Jasmine wasn't actually sure they were cut out to be parental.

Yes, Jasmine was glad they weren't there but did wish someone else was. By the time she'd climbed the stairs to the third floor, she was really wishing someone had come along with her. Lugging all those boxes was going to be a nightmare, even if she did wait in the long line for the elevator. So Jasmine slowly unloaded her care. By the time all the boxes were unloaded and her car was tucked away in the student garage, Jasmine could barely resist the urge to flop down on her extra-long twin sized bed. But she did and she unpacked and set up her computer and checked her schedule a dozen times.

On the second round of cleaning, the door to the room opened and a girl with bright blue hair walked in. Lysa, the roommate no doubt.


Four years later, Jasmine couldn't help but think of that day as she waited for the speaker to finish. No one really listened to these things, did they? Jasmine thought of that first day. How excited she had been back in high school when she applied and when she got her acceptance letter. Juxtaposed with how terrified she was that first day of orientation when she moved in. Now here she was, all said and done, and Jasmine was absolutely sure of one thing. This school, these people, the things she had learned, it was the best decision she'd ever made. The speaker finished, Jasmine stood, grabbing Lysa's henna-covered right hand, and moved the tassel on her cap to the other side.

Jasmine looked into Lysa's glowing face and wasn't sure whether to whoop, laugh, or cry. Life was sure to throw a lot at her but this moment in time was one thing she would always be certain.

turn the page

"I never had a love that I loved so much."

Annie was seventeen years old and had been in love at least six times. Her friends didn't find it amazing anymore. Her parents actually found it amusing. After all, Annie was a good kid. She kept her grades up, stayed out of trouble, and did her chores. What more could parents want?

So let's see.. There were Mike and Jay her freshmen year. Both were upperclassmen, both ended up being scumbags, and the "love" for both lasted about three months each. Sophomore year the "love" was even briefer, lasting only a few weeks for Thad, Danny, and Henry. Junior year was a bit more deceptive. Annie and Aaron were together for six months before everything fell apart. So of course no one was surprised or particularly interested when Annie came home from her first day as a senior and was head over heels for a boy named Sean.

Annie met Sean outside her trigonometry class. There outside the most dreaded classroom on campus stood the most amazing boy. The two had chatted and when class ended, Sean was outside that door waiting to talk some more. Annie's friends rolled their eyes, nudged each other, and murmured non-discreetly: Annie had found her new "love" for the school year. They wagered if this one would last as long as Aaron.

But Annie was absorbed in something else. Sean. Not his popularity, his car, his athletic abilities, his smile or eyes, his style, or his wide group of friends. It was him. The way she had to fight back the urge to hold his hand as they walked side by side. The way his voice made every organ in her body do cartwheels. The illogical and inexplicable safety she felt in his presence, as though she were shielded from all harm and free to share her deepest secrets. This breathtaking awe that surrounded every movement he made.

Suddenly all the trivial conversations about movies and grades and teachers and parents and video games and celeb gossip seemed ridiculous. Inconsequential and an utter waste of time. Annie wanted to talk about her dreams and wanted him to encourage her. She wanted to share her fears and wanted him to help her conquer them. She wanted desperately to share her soul with this complete stranger because some part of her just knew that to do so would complete her. Would fill that empty spot in her life that she suddenly realized was loneliness.

The only real question was if he loved her too.