unthinkable

"It's becoming something that's impossible to ignore."

She had been avoiding mirrors lately. The only mirror that Rhea allowed herself to was the medicine cabinet mirror in the bathroom. Her view of herself was limited to the shoulders and above. So every morning she would check her hair and make-up only before heading to the bus stop. No primping in front of the full body mirror in the hallway. Rhea wondered if her mom was becoming suspicious, but she couldn't bear to look in that mirror.

The signs were obvious to her. The ten pound weight gain, the fuller boobs, the glowing skin, the slightly protruding belly that could not be sucked in. And of course Rhea knew it had been three months since Noah's condom broke, three months since her last period.

Noah. He might be slightly more panicked than her, which she found oddly comforting. Rhea was no fool. She watched the shows on TV about teen pregnancies. She knew the chances of Noah sticking around and really being there for this baby were minute. But right now there was hope that he would, so Rhea held onto that.

Soon everyone would know. Rhea was running out of loose clothes she could wear and get away with without question. And even those "loose" clothes were becoming snug. In a month there would be no denying. Rhea was a skinny girl so any weight gain stood out.

So today she took the first step and told her two best friends. Rhea knew she would need them by her side when she finally worked up the nerve to tell her parents.

lesson learned

"Falling down ain't falling down if you don't cry when you hit the floor."

The picture still looked the same. A happy couple, holding hands, beaming at each other. For a second she thought she should display it somewhere just because those two people looked so happy. But everything had changed now so she couldn't do that.

It had been nearly two months since he moved out. It was quiet. She didn't protest and he didn't explain. She just came home one day and found him packing his bags. He left a message on the answering machine the next day. She still hadn't listened to it. Instead, she moved on. She put away anything left of his or that reminded her of him. She put it in a box. She mailed it to his sister. She learned how to cook for one again. She never forgot to take out the trash. She went out with friends and laughed.

But today she couldn't ignore it. There he was staring her in the face. There they were. Happy. In love. She clutched this picture she found. She found it stuck in her favorite book but she knew he had put it there. Put it there for this exact moment. Almost in a daze she went to the den, to the answering machine.

As he talked, tears started rolling. She wanted to sit on the couch but those extra three feet seemed so far away. So she sunk down right there. Behind her couch, hands grasping desperately at the hardwood floors. There was nothing to hold onto and she cried.