number one

"You can't say I don't love you just because I cheat on you."

I know its not what you expected. I'll keep this brief since its tardy. But I'm a heartbreaker. Its my well kept secret. And we have all cheated and been cheated on. But let me let you in on a little secret. Cheating doesn't automatically mean that the cheater doesn't love, adore, and respect the cheatee. It means they don't know how to love. They aren't sure how to express their frustration. And so it happens just they way Ye says..

one more try

"So I don't want to learn to touch you, hold you, think that you're mine. Because there ain't no joy for an uptown boy whose teacher has told him goodbye."

Sometimes its a shame you can't unlearn things. Can't unsee nightmares, can't unfeel heartbreak. And love is one of those things you can't undo. No matter what happens, how relationships grow and change and dissipaten there are memories that remain firm. These tidbits of love that stay. Memories of beautiful moments. And no matter how much you may want to forget, to not love or miss someone, there are always fragments that remain. You can't unlearn the strength of a touch, the softness of skin, the fragrance of hair, the beginnings of a smile. And the knowledge of that is terrifying enough to dim the joy and beauty of love, and to make the effort unworthy.

tracks of my tears

"People say I'm the life of the party 'cause I tell a joke or two"

We are the ones who smile. We stand tall and brave in the crowd. We illuminate the room and energize the people. We make the party.

"Although I might be laughing loud and hearty, deep inside I'm blue"

We smile because its quieter than crying. We want to be brave and strong. We don't want to be lonely alone.

"So take a good look at my face"

And we wait for that moment, that person who can see...

"You'll see my smile looks out of place"

That our grin is a grimace, that our exuberation is exhaustion and delirium...

"If you look closer it's easy to trace the tracks of my tears"


* dedicated to 50 years of timeless music

this woman's work

"I know you've got a little lfie in you left and I know you have a lot of strength left."
Song: This Woman's Work
Artist: Maxwell*

Sometimes I feel so tired of it all. The constant struggle with debt and bills. The frustrating search for meaningful relationships (of all kinds). The tragedies, brief or substantial, that surround. And on and on and on. There are moments when I want to just sit on the floor, and stop fighting against at all. But I don't. Because regardless of how tired or frustrated or lonely I am I never forget that the strength of God dwells inside me. People survive all types of horrible tragedies and circumstances because of that strength. That kind of strength survives beyond the basic human will. I remember when nothing else is there, when I'm alone,sad, overwhelmed, etc., there is a strength inside me that never dies.


*yes, I know that Maxwell's version is not the original but its the one I prefer

unwritten

"No one else, no one else can speak the words on your lips."
Song: Unwritten
Artist: Natasha Bedingfield

I have words. I have thoughts you can't imagine and dreams you can't fathom. Everyday I see and hear things, and feel wholly inspired. My words are unique; they are special. And so is my contributin, my space in this world.

No one else sees the way I see, feels the way I feel, or thinks the way I think. And evey moment that I waste repressing and overthinking amd worrying are moments my life passes by. Moments I never get back.

"Today is where your book begins."