motherless child

"I try to run away but I've been running too long."

Daphne looked eagerly around the empty apartment. It was perfect. Loft ceilings. Walk in closets. Stainless steel appliances. It really was a great space. The rent was a little higher than she had planned but Daphne could manage. She eagerly signed the lease the rental agent had prepared for her and set her move in date.

Now came the hard part, telling her friends she was moving. Daphne could imagine the irritation and exasperation already. She knew she would get very little credit for managing to stay in one apartment for two years. And she knew that they would be reluctant to help her. But two years had seemed like a reasonable amount of time to Daphne and she was ready to try something new.

Daphne couldn't understand their stagnancy. Staying in one place too long just seemed like settling down and she was not prepared to do that. After all, life was supposed to be all about change. So she liked to change things. New apartments, new cell phone numbers, new cars.
In fact, Daphne was beginning to think about moving to a new city altogether. She had been in Boston for seven years. Her life had gotten so comfortable and routine that she found it unsettling in some ways. But she adored her friends and found the thought of leaving them even more unsettling.

This new apartment would appease her. It would satisfy her constant urge to change, at least for the moment. Staying in her old apartment just couldn't work. The people there knew her too well, greeting her in the hallways and checking on her well-being. The kids in the neighborhood could recognize her car. The people in the management office knew her by name.

Daphne felt smothered. She knew this feeling. It was how she felt at family holidays, reunions, graduations, and any other event where her family gathered en masse. The expectation was overwhelming. The questions were invasive, her answers short and awkward. And Daphne always left frustrated and feeling more isolated than before. It was the feeling she ran from desperately and would continue to run from no matter where it took her.

save room

"This just might hurt a little. Love hurts sometimes when you do it right."

Neneh slammed the door behind her. She found the sound satisfying. It was such a loud, shattering sound, such a startling disturbance of the silence that now invaded this tiny apartment. The satisfaction was fleeting though. The wild rush of emotions that had propelled her from the living room, down the hallway, and into the guest bedroom came rushing back.

So Neneh sat there on the floor beside the bed and crying into the sunshine yellow comforter. She knew she should be thinking. Thinking of all the things he did wrong, all the times he made her cry or annoyed her or frustrated her or disappointed her. But she didn't think. She cried out those emotions, tried desperately to cry him out of her system and her soul. But he stayed. Just like she knew he had stayed in the living room, never moving from the chair, waiting for her to return. Knowing that she would return.

So she pulled herself up off the floor. She walked slowly towards the door, crept down the hallway, and peeked into the living room to see him there. There. In that chair. A wave of relief swept through her as she saw the reflection of herself in his face. The same anguish from the fight. The same fear of their intense relationship. The same conflict of frustration and adoration. It took that one moment to forgive him. For the pain to melt away and the desire to be sitting on his lap overtake her.

She walked back into the living room confidently, but with still tear-stained cheeks. Neneh walked straight to him, kissed him. She told him how she felt in that room crying. Alone and overwhelmed. And she told him that she loved him, and that they would do better. He smiled gratefully and agreed.

again

"Sneaking fruit from the forbidden tree. Sweet taste of sin."

They would often meet at the airport. Marlin had found it was the perfect place. Filled with people too preoccupied, bored, or uninterested to pay attention. Even the big brother security could care less about two people holding hands. Their quest was for terrorists and nuisances.

Marlin would call her when he was tired of his life. When he felt trapped by the long hours at work, the sprawling acre of land his house sat on, his family. He called with the flight details.

He never asked about her life. Marlin did find it slightly odd that she could just drop everything to run away with him for a few days. She would arrive from Phoenix, he would come from L.A. Marlin always scheduled his flight to arrive first so he could be waiting on her. And they would leave the airport hand in hand.

But Marlin found the getaways harder to accomplish. He had to skim money off the top of his check and open a separate account in order to pay for the trips without his wife getting suspicious. He disguised the affair as business trips, but the ironic reality was that his productivity at work was dropping.

All things must come to a head. He was put on probation at work for failing to complete the required hours of work. His wife had found a bank statement in the mail for his separate account. There Marlin stood with a job in limbo and an angry, inquisitive wife. He had never felt more trapped.

So he called her, packed a large suitcase, and flew to Phoenix. He never came back again.