beautiful

"I want to go to a place where I can hold the intangible and let go of the pain with all my might."

The man holding the harness continued to stare at her. And Kelly continued to shake her head no. Every step of this vacation had been a stretch of her limits and this was where she drew the line. Yet the man refused to budge. Cher appeared over the edge of the steep ladder. She was out of breath but clearly loving every minute of this adventure. As she should since this was here ridiculous idea. Cher ignored the glare of death Kelly was giving and grabbed the harness.

The man was thankfully distracted and was no longer staring at Kelly. She could think now, but she couldn't seem to find a way out of her predicament. Really there was no way. Climbing the ladder had been scary enough but easily doable. The tour guides had been very clear about not trying to climb down. They had emphasized the point to show them articles about dumb Americans that had tried. Dumb Americans with broken limbs and head injuries.

Robyn peeked her head up next. She was extremely winded and Kelly reached down to give her a hand up. By the time Kelly turned around, Cher was swinging wildly though the air, screaming her head off. Robyn looked eagerly at the man and he presented her with a harness as well. This time Kelly reluctantly listened to the instructions. Her fate was horrible, but hers nonetheless. Robyn gave Kelly a quick wink then plunged though the air after Cher. Her screams were just as exuberant, and just as annoying to Kelly. But she was glad they went first. Maybe they would be too far away to hear the terror in her screams.

The man was looking at her again and this time she allowed him to slip the harness on her. Harness was a generous word, it was basically a strap that prevented her from letting go of the handlebar. The rest of her body was left to flail in the wind. With one big gulp, Kelly pushed off from the starter's ledge just the way the man had demonstrated. She might have been terrified but she still was good at following directions.

Then she was in the air. Ziplining. Careening through the air over a jungle in Panama. There was terror for a few seconds and then there was something else. The moment came quickly where Kelly realized the harness was more sturdy than it had appeared, that falling was unlikely. So she opened her tightly shut eyes. It was breathtaking. She felt like she could see the whole world, or at least the whole of Panama. Ocean and jungle and rooftops. The beauty was breathtaking. As she flew over the jungle trees, birds emerged up out of the trees and she even saw two monkeys sitting high up on a tree limb. It was more than she could have ever dreamed of.

Kelly saw the end of the line coming and wished she could somehow go back or stop the inevitable. She landed easily, barreling into the expectant arms of a muscular man. He expertly removed her harness but he was staring at her face. Kelly turned to look at Cher and Robyn. One look at her face and they stopped whooping over their adventure. Kelly realized what the fuss was. She was crying. Tears just streaming down her face but she hadn't even realized it. Cher and Robyn cooed over a few minutes, asking if she was okay, if she had been hurt. It took a few minutes but she finally convinced them that she was okay.

This new man seemed to understand, nodding at her when she looked his direction. Kelly looked back longingly at the zipline but followed her friends down towards the tour lodge on this side of the jungle. She looked down at her hands, her clothes, knowing that she looked the same. But those few minutes in the air, it was a freedom Kelly had never imagined, something she never knew she was missing. And she would never be the same.