how will i know

"Falling in love is all bittersweet. This love is strong. Why do I feel weak?"

Willa stopped to look at herself in the mirror. Her outfit was new, her hair was just the way she liked it, her her makeup light and airy. The outside of her was perfect which wasn't surprising. Her mother had raised her to be perfect. Every article clothing, every strand of hair, were to be meticulous at all times. Sometimes she shuddered thinking of the scoldings she'd gotten when she was in elementary school. Willa had usually been up to par on the way out the door but it was impossible to return home the same way. Now that she was in high school, Willa arrived home before her mother and was able to correct any imperfections.

So it was no surprise to her that she looked perfect on the outside. There were just two things wrong with her image in the mirror. She was judging her look by her own standards, inherited from her mother. What were Lincoln's standards? Would he expect her to be dressed sexier? But Willa thought this new dress was sort of sexy. A black linen dress that came down to her mid-thigh. It even had a v-neck, something that had taken an hour for her mother to get over. But maybe she was too dressed up altogether, maybe he was expecting her in the khakis and simple skirts she wore to school. Willa glanced around her room frantically for a moment and quickly came to the conclusion that this dress was her best bet. It was the sexiest thing she owned by far and she knew that she wanted to dress up for Lincoln.

The second thing that was wrong was Willa herself. From the neck down she looked put together. But the make-up couldn't hide the terror in her eyes. Or the way her hands were shaking. And if she kept licking her lips, all of her lipstick would be gone in five minutes. But the worst part was her stomach, the constant butterflies were nearly making her nauseous. Willa tried to shake it off but deep inside she knew the importance of this date, knew that this could be a changing point in her life.

Willa had met Lincoln hiding behind the stacks in the library five months ago. They had quickly struck up conversation about books and became fast friends. At first it was just friends, for about a month. They both would meet in the library, reading books and quietly talking, during the lunch period. Then Lincoln had asked her for some help on his English project. The first time she went to Lincoln's house to help him, the sparks were undeniable. Something about leaving the library, seeing him at his home. And maybe the tank top and basketball shorts looked pretty sexy on him too.

That had been four months ago. Lincoln had slowly turned her world around. Taught her to accept her flaws and not be disgraced by them. Showed her there was more to life than straight As and perfect attendance. He was always finding new things for them do, their own little adventures. Karaoke and ice skating and petting zoos and farmer's markets and free concerts. They read books aloud to each other, beautiful stories of romance and adventure.

Today was the day things would change. Things would move forward in a big way. She could feel because every time she thought of Lincoln her heart would swell, she would feel like bursting into tears, or flames even. And Willa knew tonight was important because she knew Lincoln. He liked to keep things calm and casual, mostly for her sake because he knew she was slightly neurotic and anal. But this date he'd made a big deal about. This date he had told her was special. Willa's best friend had called it the "love" date. An enormous part of Willa believed it, wanted it so badly she was nearly insane. But there was a small, undeniable part that was simply and wholly terrified.

Willa heard the beep of Lincoln's horn. No more time for dallying or worrying. One thing was certain, she was going to get out to that car before her mother did. It had taken Willa twenty minutes on the phone to convince Lincoln not to come to the door. Willa grabbed her purse and a sweater, dashing down the stairs. She said a rushed goodbye to her mother, breezing through the door. Willa clambered into the car, somewhat ungracefully, looking over her shoulder to see if her mother had followed out the front door. When she was satisfied her mom wasn't coming out, she turned to face Lincoln and caught him staring directly at her. Before she could even open her mouth, he did it. Just said those three words as easily as someone would say hello.

Willa had been right. Her whole world had just changed.