angel

"Spent all your time waiting for that second chance. For a break that would make it okay."

I imagine that he always wanted something more. More than the poor health, more than being adopted, more than being a bus driver. I hope that I'm wrong, that he was happy and had things he wanted.. But I doubt it.

Maybe if I had been older then I could have done more. Stood up for him to his siblings. Encouraged him to be healthy. Maybe I could have gotten over my fear of that house after my Gam died and visited more often.

Right now I mostly feel lost because I never mourned. I didn't go to the funeral and barely had time to acknowledge the loss...

I hope that he is with my grandparents. I hope that they are reminding him how much he is loved. I hope he can see that he is missed. I hope he can see the importance and value his life had here on earth from his new vantage point. I know he is happy there, but I still wish he could have been happy here too.